"We Make Plans and God Laughs"

I love that quote. I don't even know where I heard it first or who said it, but I have found it so fitting in my life. I can honestly say that nothing has gone as I had planned and most times it is for the better, but there are also times that I still wonder why now?

Such is our lives right now. As many of you have figured out, we are expecting our second child. I have to admit I am still in a state of shock and unbelief, and if it weren't for the continued "morning" sickness (Seriously, who named it that?) would wonder if it still was real.

You have to understand in May, in fact on my birthday, we were told by my doctor that nothing more could be medically done for us to try to have any more children. We could try invitro, but she was very honest with us and did not think that we would have a different result after she had consulted with an invitro specialist about our case. However, she was willing to help us however we wanted. She also kindly suggested that we should consider adoption, which we started looking into.

After talking with the adoption specialist, who also happened to be a former supervisor of mine, I knew our chances of being approved for adoption were small. Let alone the cost involved was something that we did not have due to the cost of the infertility treatments we had done up to that point had wiped out our savings. Needless to say, we were discouraged and frustrated.

So after a couple of weeks of tears and frustration, I finally decided it was time to move on and decide what was next in our lives. I knew that I was not happy with my health status or my level of fitness, so that is where my focus went. I was working out at least six days a week for one to one and a half hours a day. I felt good both physically and emotionally and even set some goals for myself, such as running a 5K under 30 minutes.

We also began focusing on hubby's work situation since major changes were happening and not in our favor. Consequently, we started making plans as to what we would do after he graduated in December. We even started to discuss moving options such as when, where, and how, and even started researching various areas that were possiblities as to where we would move.

I was well on my way with my goal when suddenly I became extremely tired. I could not figure out why since nothing had changed, except I was extremely stressed out with hubby's work situation. After a couple of weeks of this and some other things, I thought I should take a pregnancy test even though I never thought it would be positive. Well, it was. I was speechless! When I called my doctor's office, one of the nurses, who has been through everything with me, began to squeal in delight and I could even hear my doctor cheer in the background. However, we all admitted we couldn't believe it.

So far the pregnancy has been "normal", which for me is extremely foreign since I have never had one before. In fact, my doctor was even able to find the heartbeat with a doppler for the first time ever at my last appointment which made us both laugh. (Usually, I have to have an ultrasound to make sure the heart is still beating.)

While this is truly a miracle, we still mourn and think often of all our sweet friends that are still struggling with infertility, both explained and unexplained. We truly hope that people don't say to them, "I know someone who had infertility and they quite trying, and . . . ." It truly is not that simple.

So for now we are taking things one day at a time and dealing with the stuff at hand and trying not to worry or think about the future until we have to. If anything we have learned in all of this, we are truly not in charge and sometimes you just have to let fate take its course. Guess we will see what the happens next.