A Lesson For My Children

I don't know what got into me, but for some reason I had a deep desire/need to CLEAN!  (Maybe it is because I have been trapped in the house with sick children/husband for the last three weeks dealing with everything from flu to strep.  Consequently, I feel like I'm living in a nasty petri dish full of viruses, germs, and bacteria.  Lovely visual image you just got there, huh?)  We are not talking the kick things to the side so the middle is empty clean.  I am talking the "Oh crap!  Someone is coming to tour our house to see what we did," kind of clean.  As I was scrubbing off smudged fingerprints, grimy streaks, and various and other "lovely" reminders that I have children, the following thoughts came to mind:

Things My Children Need To Be Grateful For:

1.  Mr. Clean Erasers - These things are truly a mother of little best friend.  While it can't take off everything, it can make it more faded so that it is not as glaringly noticeable that my children are budding Picassos and want everyone who enters are wall see what the latest things they can draw may be.

2.  Food Storage/Couponing - I tend to stock up on cleaning supplies when they are on sale and I have a few good coupons.  This way I always have what I need when I need it.  Or at least that is the theory or what is intended.  So when I have late night cleaning sessions like tonight, I have needed cleaning supplies to clean off disgusting boy used toilets or toothpaste residued drawers.

3.  That There Is More Than 1 Of Them - It sometimes takes some serious sleuthing/threatening/bribing to find out who is the guilty party to various no-nos in this house.  And often by the time I figure out who the guilty party is, we have moved on to another/sometimes bigger crisis so the previous wrongdoing is forgotten or brushed off.

4.  That Their Parents Are a Good Team - It is rare that both my husband and I have reached our breaking point at the same time so that we are both losing our cool and our children run and hide.  Usually one is grumpy and is quoting the infamous Miss Hannigan line of  "kill, kill, kill", while the other is able to stay calm cool and collected and plays interference.  Tonight they can thank their father for such grace when I found said "artwork" on the front entry closet doors.  Unfortunately, for said artist, I know who exactly it was based on the fact he is the only one who can draw actual shapes.  In a few years, I won't be so lucky.

5.  Bedtime/Sleeping - Often times things are discovered after the kids go to bed for the night.  And the thought of getting them up and seeing their little angelic/devilish glint in their eye faces before I have had an 11 hour break from them is just too much so I let them sleep and usually I cool off by the time they hit the ground running the next morning.

I'm sure there is more, but I'm tired and need to go to bed so that I can start this loveliness all over again tomorrow.  I love my children.  I truly do.  However, the amount of yuck/damage/filth that three little beings under four feet tall can create on one house is sometimes truly amazing.  It's moments like these that I relish the idea of receiving distraught adult phone calls from them regaling me with stories of "Do you know what your grandchild did?"  To which I will gleefully say, "Hmmmmm, you don't say," and thank Karma.

That's Life

Just a warning:  This is a sad post, so if you want happy and uplifting this is NOT FOR YOU!

I've reached that age when my friends have started dying and I'm hating it. I also have reached that age when you have to have more tests run and be more aware of symptoms because your risk of life threatening illnesses has arrived.  It sucks.

Within the past year, I have lost two friends to cancer and have slowly watched my dad dying from the same. I have had two cancer scares myself and am currently in the "wait and see" mode for two tumors.  I hate it.

I don't feel that old. Plus having little ones I often forget how old I am, so getting these reminders are not welcome and frankly, puts me in a funk.  It's part of the reason why I exercise. Not only do I desperately need the endorphins but I am trying to keep the Grim Reaper at bay for as long as I can. My husband lost his mother when he was 8, and he still mourns and has lasting scars from that loss. I don't want my kids to experience that if I can help it.

As I have mentioned before, I take deaths hard and very personnel. It's why I chose to work with kids, since my risk of dealing with death is lower.  In fact the final straw for me in regards to counseling was when a family had me read a client's father's suicide letter to her and help her work through that because they didn't have the strength to do it themselves.  It was awful and was when I decided I needed to get out fast.  It took a lot out of me.

Where I am going with this ramble?  I don't know. I guess I just needed to purge. I am being surrounded by death and dying right now and I am just not liking it.  I feel drained and heavy. Which right now I am throwing myself into as much service as I can, which, trust me, I am doing a lot lately because of my calling in our church, and friends in need.  It's how I get through it.  I'll just be happy when there is a little more sunshine in my life and a little less doom and gloom.

Daily Expectations

Isn't it funny how at various stages in life your expectations for the day change?  Currently, here are mine:

If I get a shower and get to wear clean clothes, it's a good day.
If I get a shower, wash my hair and wear clean clothes, it's a great day.
If I get a shower, wash my hair, shave my legs, and wear clean clothes, it's an awesome day.
If I get all the above and I get to actually do my hair and make up and it's all before noon........this day is FREAKING FANTASTIC!!!!

Awwww, kids.  They never let life be dull.  Good thing they love me no matter how I look or smell like.  (I workout in the morning before they get up, so I can be pretty post workout smelly.) And thank goodness for a patient and understanding husband (and if he isn't all I have to do is leave him home for part of a day with the kiddos and he is a lot more understanding).  However, I fear for the day when my kiddos start completing assignments in school about their mom and what they will tell their teachers and friends.  I know it's coming ..........

By the way, today was a great day. :)

A Time For Reflection and Goal Planning?

Some events have occurred lately that have cause me to reflect on my life: where it has been, where I am now and where I want it to go in the future.  The one thing that seems to be the common theme is that my life in no way has gone the way I have planned it out at any point.  I've gone from the little girl who lived for dancing and singing, dreaming of the day to dance on point and singing on a stage.  Then a period of full dedication to religion, including working at church head quarters and deciding to go on a mission.  To a person discovering and fully immersing herself into the criminal justice system and finding a passion for discovering what creates a person and brings them to the point that they are in their life.  And now, here I am a full-time homemaker and mother to three little kids, playing with play dough, singing Itsy-Bitsy Spider, and making homemade bread and macaroni and cheese.  Yet, I recently got my Enhanced Concealed Weapon Permit.  I've gone from being a goal oriented, long list maker/to do list cross offer, to a person who is THRILLED when I have been able to take a shower, shave my legs, and put on clean clothes before noon. 

I don't fit a mold or a pattern.  I am a true conundrum as to who I am or what I will be doing next.  The only thing I know for sure that as soon as I make solid plans or goals as to what is coming next, that is when my life becomes seriously topsy-turvy and ends up going in a totally opposite direction.  I have a gut feeling that one of those moments is about to head my way again.  I don't know how or why.  It's just a feeling . . . . . .

What I do know is this:  I have had some AMAZING experiences in my life and that if you did not know me or had not been a part of my life for at least the last twenty years, you would never believe me if I told you all the things I have done or experienced.  Things such as going to President Hinckley's office and meeting all the twelve apostles to working with the FBI, ATF, Las Vegas Metro's SWAT team and gang task force.  Not to mention when learning about mental health diagnostics actually seeing them in full play though my work, including schizophrenia and true sociopaths.  In fact in the past year in our new neighborhood, I have been very careful what I have/have not shared in regards to my path.  Very few people take it in stride and don't get weirded out or concerned with me analyzing them or think I am exaggerating when I tell them of my adventures.  It's not what I currently portray.

I still feel like there is another path(s) out there for me and that my learning curve is far from over. Guess we will see.

Healthy Eating? What a Pain!

I'm not going to lie.  Sometimes "healthy" eating is just plain a pain in the keaster and a time sucker, since you usually cook from scratch.  You can no longer just grab something quick without preparation and pre-planning.  For example here is my kitchen from last night:

While the dinner was super yummy (Cilantro Lime Grilled Chicken, mango salsa, faux cilantro lime rice - made with grated cauliflower instead of rice, and black beans), it made a mess and created a lot of clean up.  And clean up with three little kids who want your full attention . . . . . . . ummm, yeah right.  However, it got done and I have to keep reminding myself that in the long run this is a better option.  It's cheaper than a funeral and relatively a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things.

Anyway, Little Man is finishing up preschool this week and is NOT happy about it.  Not only is he the only kid in his Primary class at church that is not going to kindergarten in the fall (His birthday is too late in the year to meet the deadline.), he does not handle changes in his schedules well at all.  However, we discussed how every school year has an end and the exciting things that he gets to do this summer and that he will get to see his very much loved Miss Kymm next year for more days during the week and for a longer period of time each day.  He even came up with a fun new tradition: a backyard camp out the night of his last day of school.  He is really looking forward to it, but I am not so sure my husband is since he was chosen to sleep outside with him and it is only supposed to be 49 degrees.  They probably won't last through the night, but that is okay.  It gives Little Man something to look forward to instead of focusing on the sadness of school ending and that is what counts.

I think we also have officially transitioned Princess to her toddler bed.  She has been sleeping in it for both her bed and through out the night.  I'm so glad we did this now, instead of waiting. Since she can't reach and turn the doorknobs yet (Yep, she is that tiny.), she is not able to "escape" and has resigned herself to actually sleeping.  YEAH!  So much easier than the oldest!  However, I think with the Littlest Princess, we are going to struggle with the "escape plan" when it is her turn.  She is already almost as tall as her older sister and they are only a pound apart even though they are a year apart in age. Oh well, that is a worry for another day.  Next phase in Operation: I WANT MY ROOM BACK!!! is to move the Littlest Princess either in her older sister's room or go ahead and move Little Man downstairs and give the girls each their own room, which will happen eventually anyway.  We are not sure yet how we are doing this, but I just know that something is going to happen this weekend.  My goal is to have my room kid free by June 1!

Flex

 

Not bad for an "old" lady, right?

 

So this past couple of weeks have been BAAAAAAAD weeks for someone trying to be healthy and lose weight/tone up.  We've had three birthdays which means lots of cake and ice cream, and once I again I over indulged which awakened the sugar fiend within me.  I won't go into details, but let's just say damage was done.  Oh well.  It's birthday festival 2014 is over and it's time to move forward without looking back.

 

In other news . . . . Princess has been moved to a toddler bed and after a week of switching her mattress back and forth between her crib and toddler bed, I think she has finally gotten the hang of her bed and can now sleep through the night in her "big girl" bed.  Now we just need to get the littlest princess to agree to share a room with her sister and I will actually get my bedroom back.  YEAH!

 

Little Man is also finishing up preschool for the year this coming week.  I am happy/sad about this.  Happy because having to wake up the girls to take him and pick him up is a pain.  However, sad because that is my only break with him and honestly, some days that hour and a half are a life saver for both him and I.  I have a lot of activities lined up for the summer, so hopefully I can keep him busy/engaged enough without involvement of a screen that we can get through the summer without killing each other.

 

We also just had family pictures taken for the first time since before Princess was born.  It will be interesting to see the final result.  Let's just say that taking pictures with three little kids, trying to keep them happy, look at the camera, and not run away is truly a workout and stressful!  I figured that even if the pictures turn out crazy that is a true snapshot into our lives at the present time.  Thank goodness for a patient photographer that understands the craziness that is our kids.

 

I know I have lots of pictures to post, but honestly getting the time to download them and post them is next to impossible since if the kids are awake, I have "helpers."  By the time they are asleep, I am usually in zombie mode and can't get to bed fast enough.  However, it is still on my list of things to do.  So stay tuned . . . . . . 

The Value of Nurses

Any woman who is the mother of little ones and is actually involved in their lives has to believe that nurses are truly amazing people for so many reasons.  Like for example, this past couple of days have been yucky with a capital YUCK!  I have cleaned up more vomit off carpets and yes, even on me than I care to think about and don't even get me started on the head to knee diarrhea fun fest.  Whenever I have these moments, I always think to myself how blessed those who work as nurses must and should be because they deal with that kind of stuff all the time and then go back each day for more.  They, seriously, do not get paid enough. 

And in other news, my hubby and I had a bit of a wakeup call this past week.  One of our neighbors passed away today due to complications from Alzheimer's.  The really scary thing for us was that we found out yesterday that she was not much older than we are when she was first diagnosed.  It really has been wigging me out ever since.  When did I get so old and why is there this "magic" time in your life that suddenly your body just starts to turn on you and say, "I don't feel like working right anymore"?  And how did I get to this phase of life? 

When I went to the doctor last week we talked about my upcoming physical and all the extra tests that I now get to have and the risk categories that I know am suddenly in.  It's no wonder people get so freaked out and depressed over turning 40.  It's like suddenly you have reached this point of  doom and gloom whenever you go to the doctor.  It really is depressing and makes me not want to go anymore.  Don't worry, I will.  I have three little monkeys to raise and need to be around for, if they don't bump me off first.

I guess that since I have such young children which is more typical of those in their 20s, I somehow think I am still there as well.  Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of things about my 20s that I would never care to repeat for anything and I am glad to be past and over being so concerned with a lot of the things I cared about then.  But the physical part of being my age?  UGH!