That's Life

Just a warning:  This is a sad post, so if you want happy and uplifting this is NOT FOR YOU!

I've reached that age when my friends have started dying and I'm hating it. I also have reached that age when you have to have more tests run and be more aware of symptoms because your risk of life threatening illnesses has arrived.  It sucks.

Within the past year, I have lost two friends to cancer and have slowly watched my dad dying from the same. I have had two cancer scares myself and am currently in the "wait and see" mode for two tumors.  I hate it.

I don't feel that old. Plus having little ones I often forget how old I am, so getting these reminders are not welcome and frankly, puts me in a funk.  It's part of the reason why I exercise. Not only do I desperately need the endorphins but I am trying to keep the Grim Reaper at bay for as long as I can. My husband lost his mother when he was 8, and he still mourns and has lasting scars from that loss. I don't want my kids to experience that if I can help it.

As I have mentioned before, I take deaths hard and very personnel. It's why I chose to work with kids, since my risk of dealing with death is lower.  In fact the final straw for me in regards to counseling was when a family had me read a client's father's suicide letter to her and help her work through that because they didn't have the strength to do it themselves.  It was awful and was when I decided I needed to get out fast.  It took a lot out of me.

Where I am going with this ramble?  I don't know. I guess I just needed to purge. I am being surrounded by death and dying right now and I am just not liking it.  I feel drained and heavy. Which right now I am throwing myself into as much service as I can, which, trust me, I am doing a lot lately because of my calling in our church, and friends in need.  It's how I get through it.  I'll just be happy when there is a little more sunshine in my life and a little less doom and gloom.