My Toughest Case

This past couple of months have been in a word:  TOUGH!  Between my husband's health problems, building a house issues, issues with my father-in-law's estate and those involved, my father's health issues, my husband's job, my own health issues, and just day to day life there have been several "Calgone, take me away" moments.  Consequently, I have not necessarily been on my A-game when it comes to parenting, but rather have been coasting sometimes even counting down the hours until bedtime just to have a moment of quiet or a quick catch up to keep the clutter/disaster in my home to a livable minimum.

Unfortunately, this has been taking a tole on our oldest, which I have seen manifesting itself in various ways and slowly escalating to the point that today he was removed from his primary class.  It was definitely not one of my highlight moments, but this also coupled with today's lesson in Relief Society lesson regarding having no regrets forced me to to take a step back and re-evaluate what is going on.

Honestly, the majority of what is happening I have no control over.  Instead I have to sit around and let the pieces fall down around me and try to put them together as they come.  However, in regards to my son I knew that this needed to be a priority.  This is especially because I have seen firsthand through my former clients and my own life how quickly a child can be labeled and consequently be ostracized by others based on such incidents as what happened today, without anyone trying to figure out why such things are happening.

I knew immediately that the biggest issue was my little one is extremely frustrated and angry with our situation.  For two and half months he has not been able to spend time with Daddy like he used to.  This can be tough when you are only three and the person you idolize is no longer available or the availability is limited and you are constantly being told to be quiet or stop being your normal active self.  While I have tried to pick up the slack and spend time with him when I am not otherwise occupied with Ellie, the house, doctors, contractors, etc., I just can't replace Daddy.  Consequently, Little Man's aggression has escalated to the point that he is now displaying it publicly.

I saw this a lot in my practice and had several cases where clients would be angry based on situations and parents would look at me dumbfounded as to why the child would display the anger when they were "just a child" and the issues did not impact them directly.  Children are amazing that way and are way more intuitive than we give them credit for.  And while I could easily help the child and their parents navigate through this, when it came to my own I drew a total blank. 

So I consulted with my old book or notes and read various journal articles.  I am embarrassed to say that I already knew what options to try and have employed them many time with various clients.  However, with my own son, I couldn't remember any of this.  Maybe it was the shock I was dealing with such a situation, or maybe it is that I have my mind on so many other situations that I just can't think as clearly as I would if I was focusing on "therapy" issues all day on a daily basis. 

So, dear reader, here we begin this new journey into my own "living case study" as it were.  I would like to think that the thousands of dollars I have spent on my education have not gone to waste and that I can use the tools that I have been given to help my own children to navigate this life in a somewhat healthy manner.  This does not mean perfection and I know there were be bumps along the way.  However, I think we, as women, are afraid to show our own vulnerabilities for fear of judgement.  When in truth there are those who are desperate to feel "normal" in the sense that bad days do happen, mistakes are made, and frustration does occur.  So this is where our new journey will take us.  Stay tuned . . . . .