My Toughest Case

This past couple of months have been in a word:  TOUGH!  Between my husband's health problems, building a house issues, issues with my father-in-law's estate and those involved, my father's health issues, my husband's job, my own health issues, and just day to day life there have been several "Calgone, take me away" moments.  Consequently, I have not necessarily been on my A-game when it comes to parenting, but rather have been coasting sometimes even counting down the hours until bedtime just to have a moment of quiet or a quick catch up to keep the clutter/disaster in my home to a livable minimum.

Unfortunately, this has been taking a tole on our oldest, which I have seen manifesting itself in various ways and slowly escalating to the point that today he was removed from his primary class.  It was definitely not one of my highlight moments, but this also coupled with today's lesson in Relief Society lesson regarding having no regrets forced me to to take a step back and re-evaluate what is going on.

Honestly, the majority of what is happening I have no control over.  Instead I have to sit around and let the pieces fall down around me and try to put them together as they come.  However, in regards to my son I knew that this needed to be a priority.  This is especially because I have seen firsthand through my former clients and my own life how quickly a child can be labeled and consequently be ostracized by others based on such incidents as what happened today, without anyone trying to figure out why such things are happening.

I knew immediately that the biggest issue was my little one is extremely frustrated and angry with our situation.  For two and half months he has not been able to spend time with Daddy like he used to.  This can be tough when you are only three and the person you idolize is no longer available or the availability is limited and you are constantly being told to be quiet or stop being your normal active self.  While I have tried to pick up the slack and spend time with him when I am not otherwise occupied with Ellie, the house, doctors, contractors, etc., I just can't replace Daddy.  Consequently, Little Man's aggression has escalated to the point that he is now displaying it publicly.

I saw this a lot in my practice and had several cases where clients would be angry based on situations and parents would look at me dumbfounded as to why the child would display the anger when they were "just a child" and the issues did not impact them directly.  Children are amazing that way and are way more intuitive than we give them credit for.  And while I could easily help the child and their parents navigate through this, when it came to my own I drew a total blank. 

So I consulted with my old book or notes and read various journal articles.  I am embarrassed to say that I already knew what options to try and have employed them many time with various clients.  However, with my own son, I couldn't remember any of this.  Maybe it was the shock I was dealing with such a situation, or maybe it is that I have my mind on so many other situations that I just can't think as clearly as I would if I was focusing on "therapy" issues all day on a daily basis. 

So, dear reader, here we begin this new journey into my own "living case study" as it were.  I would like to think that the thousands of dollars I have spent on my education have not gone to waste and that I can use the tools that I have been given to help my own children to navigate this life in a somewhat healthy manner.  This does not mean perfection and I know there were be bumps along the way.  However, I think we, as women, are afraid to show our own vulnerabilities for fear of judgement.  When in truth there are those who are desperate to feel "normal" in the sense that bad days do happen, mistakes are made, and frustration does occur.  So this is where our new journey will take us.  Stay tuned . . . . .

The Things Kids Say

Tonight after Little Man had fallen asleep, he suddenly woke up sobbing.  I ran into his room to see what was wrong and quickly realized that he was still somewhat asleep and was not making much sense.  I got him settled down and what I thought was back to sleep.  A few minutes after I left his room, he began sobbing and yelling for me again, only this time when I went into his room to see what was wrong he said between sobs, "I'm bored."  Trying not to laugh I told him to go back to sleep and after saying okay he laid back down in his bed. 

Five minutes later he began to sob again, when I went back in this time he said, "I'm still bored."   That's when Dad got woken up and it was his turn to go in with him.  Silly kid.

A Child's Prayer

I love hearing a child's prayer, especially at the age Little Man is now, which is three.  He gets so excited to say evening family prayers and will even scold anyone who is not ready when "it's time" in his nightly routine.  Right now he is not comfortable saying them on his own so he has Mommy or Daddy help him.  We are working on including the proper vernacular by including words like thee, thou, and thine so that he can get used to using that terminology when he says prayers on his own.  However, this has not quite translated in his little three year old vocabulary.  Instead, thee becomes me and thine become mine, which has led to some pretty funny things being said.  For example, tonight instead of saying "We thank thee for the opportunity to learn more about thy son," he translated it to, "We thank me for the opportunity to learn more about my son."  Needless to say, my hubby and I couldn't help but get the giggles which led to a reprimand from Little Man about reverence during a prayer.  Still my heart melted and couldn't help but think that maybe we gave Heavenly Father a little chuckle, which I am sure there are times he could use.

Wow?!

Has almost three months really already gone by?  There is so much that has happened, but then life just is like that.  While I now have a new computer I still don't have the software needed to download pictures and my hubby can't remember where he put it.  So instead I'll just do a quick written update. . . . . . . .

In November hubby had nasal surgery to fix a severely deviated septum and hopefully stop his chronic sinus infections.  (He has been on antibiotics for almost a year straight.)  We thought it would be a fairly simple procedure and that he would be recovered within a couple of weeks.  Unfortunately, something went really wrong and he has had severe headaches/migraines ever since, which he never had before.  Needles to say, he has missed a lot of work and has been spending a lot of time in the basement away from any noise and light.  We are still seeing various doctors and have had various tests run to try and figure out what is wrong, but until then I have been nurse/single parent which has taken up any free time I had plus some.  I really hope we find an answer soon.  I want my husband back and I know the kids want their dad back, instead of the grumpy old man in the basement.  It's been especially difficult with the holidays, which is why I have told him no more surgeries at the end of the year.  Two years in a row of him being grumpy during the holidays is enough.

Little Man is almost completely potty trained in the sense that he stays dry all day!  However, that is only as long as he stays in a pull-up.  If I put him in regular underwear, then we have accidents galore!  In otherwords if he has to sit in it, that is not okay.  However, if it runs down his leg, that is okay.  I don't get it!  I am hoping that if we stay consistently dry for a month that we can then transition to underwear and be done with the whole pull-up thing! 

He is begging for us to put him in soccer, so I guess that is what we will be doing this summer.  He has also learned how to do summersaults in gymnastics and can be found doing them all over the house.  He can do head stands as well, against the wall or sofa, but that is not encouraged as much since someone is not always available to help spot him.  We are also getting ready for the transition to primary!  I have to admit that I am nervous about the thought of him having to sit for two more hours, with his little active body.  I just pray he has a very understanding teacher that lets them do some movement to help him get out his wiggles.

Little Miss continues to grow and change.  We think she may actually be getting her teeth!  Unfortunately, that means she is super grumpy and whiney which is not like her at all.  She also is getting better at standing with some support and is trying really hard to crawl.  I am not sure how excited I am about her being mobile, especially with a move pending.

Speaking of moves, more and more delays keep occuring.  It is really tough not to get discouraged, especially now that it looks like we won't be closing until a month after the original completion date. It's hard to not wonder if maybe it is all a sign that this is not what we should be doing, especially when weird things keep happening.  For example, the kitchen sink that we custom ordered was given to us broken, which according to the plumbing place was near impossible to have happen since  it is made of a really durable material. (Not to mention it arrived a week and a half after when we were promised it would arrive.)  Now we have to re-order it and again wait, which has consequently, put the granite/cabinet guy behind since he won't cut the granite or build the cabinets until he has the sink to make sure it fits perfectly.  Plus you do not want to get me started on the issues we have had with the company's office manager who has repeatedly provided wrong information to subcontractors which has meant things have been done incorrectly and have had to be re-done, delaying us even further.  Then you add the holidays in the mix of it, which means even more days with no work done, and on and on and on  . . . . . . I'm just to the point I just want things done and done right.  I want all my stuff in one place and I want permancy with established relationships with neighbors.  Being in constant limbo is not one of my strong suits.

So that is our lives in a nutshell.  My husband is still employed.  We have a roof over our heads that we can afford.  Our bills are paid.  None of us are terminally ill.  A lot to be grateful for.

Tonight I Cried

Okay, I know I have A LOT of catching up to do!  It's been a busy summer and I have tried to make sure that any spare time we have had we are doing something fun as a family, which limits my "me" time but so many wonderful memories have been made instead.  Plus my laptop is on the fritz, so adding pictures and blogging is very limited.  Hubby is working on that as well.  In the meantime . . . . . .

It's been a really rough week.  The kind of week you want to just curl up in a ball and wish the world would go away or a magic fairy would just swoop in and make it all better.  I can't divulge a lot of what is happening, but the event that was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back was an incident with my son earlier today.

You have to understand my son is extremely bright/gifted, which manifested itself when he was still an infant.  At nine months old he had already figured out how to take out the electrical outlet covers and that his toys were screwed together and was trying to unscrew them to take his toys apart.  He is a very hands on learner and wants to be in the middle of learning how to do something rather than be the type to just sit and be told what to do.  He is definitely NOT the sit quietly with his hands folded in his lap.  For those who know our family, he is scary smart like his father.  While this can be frustrating when all I want him to do is sit quietly with his hands folded in his lap, I have learned to adapt to his learning style and personality.  Consequently, we have had some really fun moments when he boldly moved forward and tried things that I, as an adult, don't even know I could do.

However, the down side is that he is not your "typical" kid and we have already had run-ins with church leaders, other adults, teachers, etc. who have labeled him as a trouble maker (yes, even "monster") because he was not the sit quietly with hands folded type.  Today, in fact, he was even kicked out of a music class because of this.  He did not want to just sit and be lectured to.  He wanted to be involved and really learn music.  He wanted to sing, dance, play music, and all the while learn.  However, the teacher just wanted him to just sit and listen.  She has asked him not to come back.  Not only did she do this, but did not even have the guts to say it to my face or on the phone.  Instead, she just sent me a message on Facebook.

I was so angry and hurt and in fact, still am.  I realize that Little Man can't be singled out and have sole attention. However, I felt like he did not even get a chance or she did not even take the time or effort to get to know him.  He just didn't fit the exact mold she wanted for each student so out he was.  And somehow I have to explain to him how he is not allowed to go back. I know this is just the beginning and already know that there is going to come a day when I am going to be pulled into some idiot teacher's room with a school psychologist, social worker, and who knows who else and be asked that he be medicated or that we come up with a behavior plan because he cannot focus or rather isn't willing to just sit and do worksheets all day because the teacher is too lazy to actually teach.  Sigh . . . . . . . .

Where am I going with all this?  I don't know.  I just know that Mommy heart is hurting and I wish for a form of segregation where only "gifted" people live or at least consistent people throughout my kid's life that gets it.  Instead, here I am in rural Idaho.  Sigh . . . . . .

MONSTERS!!!!!

This is the first year Little Man has noticed the sound of fireworks at night. However, he is not sure what fireworks are (yet). As he was sitting in his room tonight he heard the booming of the fireworks and came out running with his eyes wide open, "Guys! Guys! There's monsters in my room! Scary!" Poor little guy! Guess we better take him to the fireworks display this year.

Operation: Grass Is Greener Hiatus

After a lot of screaming, crying, fighting, and utter exhaustion, hubby and I have begrudgingly agreed to put a temporary hiatus of any new projects on the house and are slowly working on actually truly finishing the ones we already started as well as normal daily maintenance. The reality is that we will not have the house ready before school starts again, which is essentially the end of the peak real estate season. Nor has hubby found a new job, let alone even interviewed, and his dad's estate still has not settled (which could still be quite some time since his dad's house has to sell first and his siblings have it WAAAAAY over priced). Needless to say we are quite discouraged and frustrated at this point. Consequently, I made a command decision and decided that for once we are actually going to enjoy a summer rather than be cooped up in this money pit and neighborhood and resenting all of it that much more. So far we have gone on a family hike, the zoo, an airshow, Little Man had swimming lessons, made our first dutch oven dinner with some neighbors, and have more planned for the future. Hopefully, in the meantime something will give that is currently out of our control. I still haven't given up on my desire to move and events at our ward this past weekend and being chased by a neighbor's HUUUUUUGE rottweiler while working in my yard re-affirmed why I can't wait to do so. Anywhooooo......stay tuned!