Off Again . . . . . On Again

This weekend was Little Miss Sassy's 2nd birthday and we tried to make the most of it.  We went out to lunch at a local pizza/play place for the kids and then had cake and ice cream after dinner.  She was hilarious because I gave her her presents in the morning, which consisted of dress up clothes.  Every time something new was shown to her the old outfit came off and the new one would come on or at least part of it.  At one point she had a princess hat, a superhero eye mask, butterfly wings, and a ballet skirt on all at the same time.  (I'll post pictures later.) 

Also on  Friday, I went to the doctor since my Metformin prescription was up and after a discussion regarding changes I've made and where I was at currently, she decided to take me off the medication!  She wants me to be off for six months and then we will re-do the 4 hour glucose test to check my sugar levels to see if the Insulin Resistance has been reversed or not.  The bad thing is that because I knew I was off, I went CARB CRAZY!!!  I won't even tell you how much of cake and ice cream I ate.  It's too embarrassing.  Let's just say the cake and ice cream are gone.  (See what I mean by me being an addict and can't have this kind of junk in the house?)

So last night I couldn't sleep and had a looooooong chat with myself regarding what was going on, how far I have gone, and just where exactly I wanted my life to go in the future.  Bottom line?  I have a lot of things I need to change up and get myself back on track physically, spiritually, and most definitely mentally.  Now if I can just follow through with it all.

At least I started on the physical this morning.  I restarted P90X3, which I was in the middle of before surgery.  Of course, I had to modify the ab stuff but the rest I did full out.  As sick as this sounds, it really felt great to be back at it pushing myself and knowing I was working towards my goals and getting my body back in shape.  I had forgotten that endorphin push that I have been so severely lacking!  It also helped me get back in the mindset of being a better me and taking the steps necessary to get back on track.

Anyway, that is all for now.  I just finished working out and need to get going before the monkeys awaken and my "me" time is gone until the go to bed tonight.  Oh, the life of a mom to young kids.  I love it, but have to admit I wish there was someone reliable and understanding that could take the kids for an hour a two at least one day a week just to be able to recharge my batteries and regroup.  Possible even reconnect with my husband since we only seem to pass each other as we switch which kid needs attending to when we are both in the house at the same time.  Oh well.  We will have to the house to ourselves soon enough and this extremely important and vital time in the development of our kids will have passed. 

Hello,my name is . . . . .

Why hello, size 8 jeans! 

Yep, I have FINALLY hit the single digits and I don't even have to pour myself into them or suck in as I zip and pray.  It's only been, ummmmmm, 15+ years since I saw this size.  I know, I know that's an awfully long time, but I have a good excuse.  Really!

What is it, you ask?  I'm a food addict.  There, I said it.  It's out in the open.  I didn't become that way overnight.  In fact it was a build up of a lifetime of bad habits that put me in the chunky monkey category. 

You see, in my surroundings, food is a BIG factor.  If you think about it, food takes a major precedence in almost every facet of life.  You got a new job?  Great, here's some cake.  You feel sick? Here's some homemade bread that you can slather with butter.  You broke up with your boyfriend? You "need" a fudge sundae.  Roadtrip!! - Stock up on M&Ms, chips, cookies, and Diet Coke.  You are new to the neighborhood?  Here's a plate of cookies. ------See what I mean?  It's everywhere and the idea that you "need" it or "deserve" it is constantly pounded into your head. 

Then you add in the complication that you are Insulin Resistant and have been your whole life without knowing it and can't process any of this sugar correctly so it turns straight to fat and you have yourself an equation of DISASTER!  I literally was eating myself into an early grave, and I needed to change that FAST!

It's not been easy to not only admit this but to take drastic measures such as I just don't have the "crap" in my house.  I can't.  I literally can't stop myself until it is gone and the whole time I am eating it telling myself how stupid it is that I am eating it.  Warped think, don't you agree?  In fact, I am so conditioned anymore that you would die if you saw the amount of candy and junk that I have thrown away.  Not to mention, I let my kids have one piece of candy for two days after an event such as Christmas or Halloween and then it gets thrown out or given away. And when I say thrown out, I mean out in the large garbage can that goes to the curb on trash day or under so much gross disgusting nastiness that there is no way I would even touch it.  Yep, that's how bad my addiction is.

I am still working on what I can do to "reward" or comfort myself that is quick, easy, and healthy.  There are not a lot of alternatives when you have three little crazy monkeys that rarely give you a moments peace, but I'll figure out something eventually.  The one thing I can say is that Truvia/stevia is my new best friend and I have a peanut butter cookie recipe that uses no flour or sugar that would knock your socks off.  Really!  They are sooooo good and eating just one is usually enough to get me through the really bad craving.  Or there is a "Sweet and Crunchy Nuts" recipe that I resort to as well.  In fact that is usually what you will find me doing on Saturday mornings is fixing my stash for the week. (Which I have to double or sometimes even triple because my husband gets into them as well - they are THAT good.)

And so the journey continues . . . . . . .

Back to the Real World

This me after working out today.  I did the Alpha Cardio T25 workout all modified due to my medical restrictions, but hey, I did it!

And in other news . . . . . We found out on Friday that the insurance is fighting us to cover Little Man's new medication and thanks to Walgreens screw up from the initial filling, Today is our last dose and we are probably going to have to pay for the next refill completely out of pocket and it is NOT cheap!  It's a loooooooong story, but it comes down to a numbers game not what is best for the individual and none of those involved making these decisions cares.  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

Well, the troops are waking up and are starting to get restless.  Why can't little kids learn about sleeping in and when they are teenagers be up and ready to go at 6:30 am like they are doing now?  Seems a little backwards.

Patience Is NOT One of My Virtues

Right now I am recovering from abdominal surgery and frankly, the recovery bites the big one.  I have worked really hard to getting in shape and have lost 25 pounds since July by nothing but good old fashion diet and exercise.  Frankly, I have worked HARD!  Changed my eating and woke up at 6 AM EVERY morning to get in a workout before fending off my three monkeys.  And now . . . . .I feel like a big tub of goo.  My eating has been awful and I have not been allowed to exercise at all until this week, but haven't gotten the gumption to get back at it.  Needless to say I have been undoing all my hard work and I am in that downward spiral of I get mad/upset with myself for allowing it to happen so I eat junk to provide me the emotional band aid which makes me even more mad/upset because I gave in and on and on and on . . . . .

It needs to stop NOW.  So tomorrow morning, I am getting my chunky monkey butt out of bed and once again starting over.  I need the endorphins, DESPERATELY! Plus I need my "me" time.  This is when I think things through and plan.  It helps me to stay focused and I am so much more productive and frankly, easier to live with/be around.  So since it is 11 pm, I guess I'll end this post and go to bed!

Wow! Has It Really Been That Long?!

I didn't realize it had been over a year since I last posted anything.  Guess time flies when you are "having fun."  Honestly, I have been so busy this past year that I am lucky to come up for air and have even five minutes to myself. 

Here is a BRIEF synopsis over the past year:

1. We FINALLY finished the house and moved in March!  YEAH!
2. Sold our old house in April.  THANK GOODNESS!
3. Had a new baby girl in May.  (Think about it folks!  2 girls a year apart.  Yep, C-R-A-Z-Y!!!!)
4. Closed on our old house 5 days after having our little girl.
5. Little Man was evaluated to see what was going on with him.
6. Bought a mini van that I really don't care for.  But with three car seats and my crazy crew, there were not a lot of options.
7. Blessed our little girl at the same time my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. 
8. Little Man started his first year of preschool.
9. I had abdominal surgery that honestly, has not been fun to recover fun and I am really kicking myself for going through with it.

And of course all of the other stuff that goes along with all the above and day to day living. 

I am going to try and be better about keeping this up.  No promises!  In fact, I even started a new blog if you want to see it. (Yep, I needed just one more thing to add to my plate.) The address is www.livinginouraspieworld.blogspot.com.  It's about our "new normal" in our house and all the things that are going on with it.  Frankly, it is a place for me to vent and purge.  If you follow along, you will understand why.

In the meantime, I better head off to bed.  Tomorrow I am helping out at Little Man's preschool Easter party and need to be on my A game for at least an hour and a half.

Six Years?!

Well, today it is our six year anniversary.  While I was initially hoping for something fun or even romantic or even better exciting, it has been a pretty dull day.  It started out with Jim having to leave at 5:15 this morning because he found out he had a surprise audit by the EPA and had to travel out to the site, which meant I got the "pleasure" of waking up then as well.  We exchanged gifts and let's just say his track record is holding strong and I have returned or am in the process of returning all the gifts he got me.  (My poor hubby really needs a lesson in gift giving.)  For him, I stayed with my Hawaiian theme and had my brother pick up some tshirts from Hawaii when he was there for work to replace the ratty old ones that I won't let Jim wear in public anymore.  I also gave him a BBQ pizza pan so that he can BBQ pizza easier on the grill, which he loves.  Plus I had to stick with the traditional 6 year gift and gave him chocolate covered macadamia nuts.  He is already wearing one of the tshirts and eaten a chocolate  or two, so once again me = win, him = try again.  LOL

The kids also woke up at 0 dark hundred, so no luxury sleeping in for me.  We've been going strong all day.  Little Man and I made cookies and I started Kalua pork in the crockpot this morning.  Jim had that for dinner with rice, fresh pineapple, green beans, and pineapple starfruit juice.  I also had a pineapple candle burning.  I had to laugh when he suggested that next year we celebrate in Hawaii, since taking little ones on such a trip . . . . . ummmmm, no thanks!  Just the flight alone with little ones .  . . . . ugh!

Unfortunately, the house is in no way finished like we were told would be for the last three weeks which is what we were really hoping to give each other for our anniversary.  I'll just say this, building a new home has been an adventure and learning process that I hope to NEVER go through again.

Now after the rush of dinner has been completed, the boys are off to gymnastics and Little Miss and I are hanging out or rather she is crawling around the house like crazy while I clean up dinner and get the house ready for us to go to bed.  I know, I know  . . . . . We are SUCH party animals.

RIP Ms. Lefty (2001 - 2013)

Yesterday, we had to have Ms. Lefty put to sleep since she had recently quit eating and had gone into liver failure.  Although we know it was the right thing to do, it was way more difficult than either Jim or I had anticipated. 

You have to understand, this is the cat who has been through so much with me.  She was there through my horrific first marriage and even more horrible end of that marriage and divorce;  the highs and lows of graduate school; a move to Idaho; job changes; a new marriage; two kids.  While anyone hardly ever saw her because she was extremely shy and skittish due to her own abuse history.  She was my little buddy that always new when I was sad and would snuggle with me at night when she knew I needed cheering up.  She also had extra toes on her front paws that made her paws look like little hands that she would wrap around  your arm while you scratch her stomach.  She wasn't demanding or obnoxious.  She just wanted to be loved in the quiet moments.  She was the only cat we wanted to take with us to the new house and would never consider giving away, yet she was the first to go.

I'm really starting to hate the month of February.  My uncle, my father-in-law, and now my cat have all died in February, the month that is supposed to be about love.  In a weird way, maybe it is more appropriate they all did.  They have all been a stark reminder of loving those you love all the more because you never will know when you have to say goodbye.  I guess, more appropriately, I should say I hate saying goodbye.