Today is a grey day!A grey day is a day when I hear/read stories about children killed by ill-equipped adults who should have never had children, when there are so many capable and loving people who would have willingly taken that child into their arms and raised them as their own.
A grey day is when a well-meaning mother of four tries to tell me she understands how I feel and what I am going through, when I want to reply with me shouting, "How can you possible understand when you have four children to hold and I have none and may never?"
A grey day is when I try to understand Heavenly Father's greater design as to why he would let his "precious little ones" go to such bad people when others who would cherish these little souls are denied.
A grey day is when I begin to wonder if choices and events of my past have come back to haunt me once again.
A grey day is when I wonder if the drugs, tests, money spent are really worth it, if the result is the same every time.
A grey day is when I hear a pregnant woman complain about their pre-natal child and how much they are missing out because they are pregnant or that they did not want to have this child.
A grey day is when I have to put a smile on my face and act as if nothing is wrong, when inside my heart is breaking.
A grey day is when a negative test happens once again.
A grey day is when the first question out of outsider's mouth is "Are you pregnant yet?" (Like I have any control.)
A grey day is when a pity-party is allowed, because everything all hits at once.
It's just a plain, grey day. They're allowed. Tomorrow will be yellow, green, or blue.
2 comments:
Okay, I'm sending you a e-hug. I wish I could deliver it in person. I wish there were something more I could do.
"A grey day is when I hear a pregnant woman complain about their pre-natal child and how much they are missing out because they are pregnant or that they did not want to have this child."
Amen. I have one sister in law that has said that several times about her baby that was born shortly after Elizabeth. It took every ounce of my self control to not smack her at the family reunion that year. So painful.
I don't really know what you're going through because I haven't been there, but I can imagine. I have many friends and family that have traveled the same path. Hang in there.
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