Today has been a rough day. We received another huge blow in our attempts to add to our family (Nope, don't want to talk about it.) that jump started my grief cycle again. So once again I went from acceptance back to full blown rage and grief to the point I cried out to the heavens to just stop already - quite toying with my emotions and just let me move on with my life already. Consequently, I spent much time alone in my room this day.
When nighttime came, I could not fall asleep. Too many thoughts and emotions were running through me. Suddenly, my little one cried out and needed comforting to get back to sleep. As I silently rocked him, my heart melted just a little. I don't know who needed to be comforted more . . . Me or my little one. How grateful I was to have these few quiet moments with him. To just have him snuggle up against me and want nothing more than to have his mom rock him. If you know my little one and his activity level during the day, this truly was a rare and precious moment. A tender mercy that for a small moment helped me to heal my empty and aching arms even if for only a few minutes.
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I know when I had a miscarriage that I felt the most comfort by hugging my other two kids. I've been thinking of you and put your name in temple yesterday. I hope it helped.
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